A Cautionary Tale of Caregiving

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By Andrew Weitzen

Dance competition is different than social dancing. In dance competition, you want to be judged. You want to acquire the best technical skills as fast as possible.

Social dancing is different. Social dancing is about having fun. People go social dancing to feel good.

In Yiddish we would say to have naches, which Soojin with her Korean English would say is to “have a good feeling”. In Yiddish we say your grandchildren give you naches, but your children give you tsuris, which means aggravation, grief, suffering, or in Soojin’s English a “bad feeling”.

The two biggest problems in social dancing that give you tsuris and get in the way of having a good feeling are: (1) People pushing and pulling on you, and (2) People telling you what to do.

So, try not to push and pull on anyone and try not to tell anyone what to do.

If someone starts telling you what to do, put your finger over your lip.

Do not ask anyone else in class what to do either. If you have a question, ask your teacher. That is what they are there for.

Everyone has good intentions and wants to help others. The best way you can help is to do your part well. That will provide all the feedback the other person needs to get better.

If pushing and pulling and telling others what to do worked, I would not say anything, but they do not. They make matters worse. They stress people out. They quit.

Everyone changes in their own time. Let go of trying to change others. Be at one with yourself, your partner and the universe. Enjoy what you get.
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